A True Best Friend Just Knows

Text messages sent back and forth to one of my best friends. Please enjoy the unknown inside world of ‘what do white women love to talk about.’ Take your seats and if you must throw up, do it somewhere that no one will see you.

10/11/13

-Iz-

So Adam’s friend, Mark, just sent a friend request on Facebook. What should I do?

-Sus-

Mark None?

-Iz-

Yeah, that one

-Sus-

I’d go ahead and add him. Adam is the one who uses that page. It was probably him who sent it.

-Iz-

Gotcha

-Sus-

I think it’s kind of funny. Once Adam is out of class, I’ll ask him about it.

-Iz-

Mkay, cool.

-Sus-

Speaking of Adam, has becky posted anything on his wall? Ugh, I have to go see the vagina doctor today. I always feel like they’re judging me if I miss a spot shaving down there. Bahahaha.

-Iz-

I haven’t seen anything. Oh Vagina Monologues, “and then there are those visits”. I don’t like my doctor so my vag is always hairy and untamed, lol.

-Sus-

Okay cool. Thanks girl 🙂 Bahahaha! I love my normal one, but I’m seeing a different lady today since my normal is on vacation. Ugh, this is so traumatic, I feel like she should at least buy me dinner first.

-Iz-

For sure. I need to switch, she has made comments about my vag that I don’t appreciate. Like hen I had my first PAB, she made a rude comment about how tight my vag was and how I need to savor it. I felt so vulnerable. Yeah, they should and ask where you see yourself in 3-5 years.

-Sus-

Bahahaha, 3-5 years. I love it!! Men just don’t understand. If I were you, I would have like ‘sorry we all can’t have gaping vaginas like you!’ Yuck! The receptionist just asked me what I was here for. So I had to announce to the waiting room I was getting std testing. Thanks for the look of judgement’s fellow patrons of Stc. Lol.

-Iz-

Way to be judging stc! She clearly gives no fucks today lol.

-Sus-

Yup, it was Adam who added you. He was like ‘why do you care’ when I asked him. Maybe someone has a little crush on you?!

-Iz-

You can’t be serious

-Sus-

Well, I was serious about him adding you, but not too serious about the crush part. But seriously, he might. For all I know. He likes you a lot, I know that much.

-Iz-

I don’t think he does. Besides he wouldn’t have the balls to ask me out, considering you’re my best friend.

-Sus-

If he did, I would laugh so hard. And buy you two long islands from one world.

-Iz-

Bahahaha I love you.

-Sus-

Which technically makes it three long islands, since I already owe you one. Oh lord, when I’m in Peoria next, we’re getting white girl wasted at 11 am again.

-Iz-

I have no complaints with that lol.

-Sus-

What are you up to tonight?

-Iz-

Staying home and watching the cards game. What are your plans?

-Sus-

Just hanging out on the south side of Chicago in a section 8 neighborhood. Haha! Oh, the places my friends take me to.

-Iz-

Section 8? Oh geez, hopefully they’re taking you to get murdered.

-Sus-

You know sometimes I really hate all men in general.

-Iz-

They can suck in their general field. But yeah, they can be jerks sometimes.

-Sus-

My guy friends just make these tiny comments that just get under my skin. But then if I call them out on it, they just patronize me. Sorry I’m venting.

-Iz-

What kind of comments? Like pig ones? Fuck them, it still isn’t a nice thing to do.

-Sus-

Yes, piggish and Jamar like comments. I found myself wishing there was another girl. I just felt ganged up on. Omg. This totally sounds like a Dr. Phil episode.

-Iz-

Gotcha, how rude. Are there no chicks at this place? Are they saying it to you or while in conversation?

-Sus-

Both. And thankfully, one of the guys girlfriends just came over so I’m not alone. I just wish we were equal, like really equal.

-Iz-

If that ever happened, we wouldn’t have sexual harassment at work and women can talk about how small guys dicks were during a one night stand by the water cooler. We all wish for your kind of equality though.

-Sus-

Ugh, my friend Louis just grabbed my side. Like just grabbed it. Then made a joke about me not being ticklish. I just want to go home 😦 I feel so…invaded….I’m sorry, I’m being annoying. Hope you’re having a fun night 🙂

-Iz-

1) Yes he is a douche. 2) don’t let that guy bring you down. 3) not at all 🙂

-Sus-

You know, you just get me.

-Iz-

Lol, I try

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