It has taken me a good while to finally come to terms with myself being single. From sophomore to senior year of college, I had two failed relationships, one of them being the most serious and in love I had ever felt. After it crashed and burned in my face, I went into another state in my mind. Literally. I would try things and do things just to get away from my problems and not think about what would happen later. That my emotional needs weren’t being kept to the point where I felt like a mental basket case for the loveless. I would detached myself from the men I was sleeping around with, until I met “The Boy”. I became Play-Doe and molded myself into whatever I thought he wanted me to be. As it turns out, it only made my mental state worse.
Months had passed and we had a falling out. I thought it was because he didn’t give me a chance to let me be myself. But I was wrong. I was holding on to feelings of resentment, anger, and frustration. Which, for anyone that knows me, I’m not that person. I took me a long time to figure out how screwed up I was after breaking up my one-time serious relationship and diving into situations that were out of my control. I didn’t know how to stop myself; I just kept going until it was enough to make me feel satisfied and good. As soon as I realized it, I began to write more emotional and meaningful poetry and it felt great. No; I felt like myself. Nerdy, weird, quirky, and out-going. Once I was graduated, I began the process of learning more about myself and pick up the pieces that I left behind at Bradley.
It’s been a long time coming, but I feel awesome about myself. I look forward to today and don’t stress about tomorrow. I appreciate things, people, and situations more as they come to me. Fuck stressing out over people and problems that are out of your control; control yourself and let the rest follow.