The Unrouted Journey

Fresh Off The Presses

I have been at a standstill with my poetry as of late. Between losing jobs, hit and run, and adjusting to post college society, life has been rough to write about; let alone think about. I wrote this poem probably about a month ago and it’s one of the only poems I seem to like out of the bunch I have written since January. Suggestions are always appreciated!

The Unrouted Journey

Someday will move me,

to drive far away.

Attitudes won’t judge others

for what they’ve been through.

Moments begging to be touched,

all over hips, thighs, lips…

that quiver saying your name.

Lit up the dance floor,

set the bedroom on fire,

burning it up while getting clean.

Showering the place to sin,

washing yourself once more,

only to start where you left.

Afterwards, the tricks for kids

aren’t so childish and new.

So, we drive off, some will be

distant and others will stick,

to the road less traveled.

To find our own meaning,

on the road again and again

Why I Hate The Month Of April

Is it that time of the year again? Damnit…

I have always disliked this month, ever since I was younger and this year is no exception to the rule. I’ve got a list…

1. Since my little (not so little) hit and run incident three weeks ago, my parent are wanting me to go to 2 therapy sessions to see if I have any stress problems. I have problems before, but they’ve been minor compared to this one. So I’m forced to go and see how it goes; which hopefully won’t kill my self esteem.
2. Following my hit and run, I have a court date this month for failing to yield and I have no idea how that will go. Hopefully I’ll just paid off my court fees and forget this whole thing ever happened. I’m just grateful no one was injured.
3. I also have not one but TWO weddings this month. My godmother finally getting married to the man she loves is great and I am super duper happy for her. But the other wedding, my God, is going to be a buzz kill. There are this couple I was friends with in high school and I’ve always stayed in touch with Rebecca because I truly admire her for what she’s doing with her life. I just know this wedding is going to be nothing but Johnny’s lame friends and Rebecca’s “waaaayyy” older girl friends who I hardly know. And there also trying to be adorable with their wedding date “4/11/14”. Oh the horribly icky irony…
4. My best friend of 15 years is leaving for the navy in two weeks and I am all types of messy on the inside. I don’t know what to do without her around; she’s the best friend any girl could ask for. My stomach turns every time I think about and I just get emotional about it.  She’s having a going away party this Sunday and that’s only going to mean the beginning of the fun times, coming to an end. Us realizing that we all have to grow up sometime, move on with our lives and become full grown adults. I’m just not ready for all of that transition to happen. Sometimes, I want to be in high school and go over to my best friend’s house to hang out, watch a movie, and talk about stupid stuff like we always do. Things just aren’t the same around here anymore.

Now, I’m not bitching and complaining about this month particularly being awful because man; do I have a bad track record. There are the bad break-ups: starting in high school, my boyfriend, James, (who was actually really sweet and awesome) and I decide it would best if we broke up. Which is fine and dandy, until my good friend, Melody, decides it’s a good idea to ask him out three days later without even telling or asking me about it. I had what you might call a “bad boy boyfriend” named Keith who decided to be a complete ass for a week and then post humiliating pictures of me all over the Internet. I was a mess for a week and had all sorts of tests coming up during that time. Which brings me to my next topic; the bad grades and classes. At Bradley, signing up for classes and the last day to drop a class for the spring semester would appear in the middle of April. I had a rough time with my health science major and most of the important tests would fall during this month. So, many times I had failed a test or found out where I stood in the class and would have to drop out. Usually after doing that, the dreaded phone call to my parents would happen, where they would say how disappointed and unhappy they were to find out about my poor grades and my even poorer self. Self esteem is normally shot at this point in my academic year. Speaking of college, one of the most important memories of my college youth happened in April my Freshman year, where I threw up for the very first time from alcohol thanks to the drinking game called, “Circle of Death”. Good memories were made, most definitely, but I almost went my whole first year at college without throwing up once and I was ready hoping that it would have stayed that way. But alas, the streak was over. I know I have mentioned before that death is never easy and well, April likes to be there for death, I suppose. Both of my grandparents of my father’s side have passed away around this month. We’ve all had family relatives died at some point in our lives. But when a death that is actually a suicide happens at your high school and everyone knew that person, it’s almost as if a part of a larger community passed on into another universe. That was one of the first deaths I dealt with where everyone around you is sad for the exact same reason. You can’t explain it except by hugging them and saying everything will be alright. And finally, this month always makes me go back and question where my life is going. I don’t know if it’s because May is right around the corner and that means school is ending, but I’m usually going back to the same notion that life sucks, everything is confusing as hell, and I don’t know how to get out of this spot.

I guess what I’m trying to say is that April is a nasty way to showing you to slow down and think your life choices before you screw up completely. All I want to do is give this month a nice kick in the ass and stop ruining my life so much, you big jerk! My life…oy vey!